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21 May 2011 @ 07:58 pm

(besides captain jack) i watched this movie to see this man in action.

he needed about an hour's more worth of screen time.

this movie induced so many feelings in me that i revived my tumblr.

i mean, mostly positive feelings, but still mixed. So now I need to vent.

this is fail, my first tumblr post in months is going to be both a rant and an essay and a dorky ass movie review.


is it just my hormones or did he steal the movie?

First, the positives.

 1) The romantic subplot. 


i was extremely wary of the fact that these two new characters (the missionary and the mermaid) would be carbon copy, boring-ass replacements for will and elizabeth.


first, sam claflin is far more attractive than orlando bloom and played his character with far more depth- this guy who thinks he can save everyone's souls, even though he's probably the one who needs to be saved. i kind of want to marry him.

who's will turner again?

And then the mermaid. her actress looks a little like ellen page, but somehow more exotic and innocent. she is gorgeous, and way different from keira knightley's character. she has no desire for freedom or adventure or whatever, she's just a supposed "vicious beast" trapped within her little mermaid world. she just wants to do her own thang. she's a far more mysterious type of character than elizabeth (who i still love), but at the same time, so much more vulnerable.

her relationship with philip, the missionary, is also a lot different, and by different, i mean it's way more fucking adorable than that BS-ed cliche will-elizabeth thing. it's not a particularly wordy relationship, but it has both angst and forgiveness. my favorites. the scene where she's naked and can't walk, so he carries her is cliche but poignant- they're both so vulnerable, but in different ways.

a lot of people are complaining about how little they talked, which, yes, bothers me, but in this case it might actually increase the appeal of the relationship.

in my mind, there is a spectrum of relationships: on one side, there's the couple that is appealing because of their banter and conversations (couples like Elizabeth and Darcy), and on the other side there's the couple that is appealing physically and because of circumstances and is never nearly as clear-cut as the former.

this new couple is the latter, which is a far more difficult relationship to portray and pull of successfully because it relies so much on physical chemistry.

luckily, astrid and sam have wonderful chemistry, so BY GOD IT WORKS. IT'S JUST THE WAY THEY BOTH HAVE GIANT PUPPY-DOG EYES AND STARE AT EACH OTHER THAT GETS ME. and since it's so unclearly-cut, there's a lot of vague things that i can analyze. their last scene- OH GOD. i'm going to cry.

of course, i'm probably biased because i find sam claflin and his teeth and astrid berges-frisbey and her accent so cute.

2) Angelica sucked.

Yeah, this is a positive.  i was absolutely certain that penelope cruz was going to suck ass, and she did. however, i was also absolutely certain that angelica and jack would become a sort of bantering, slap-kiss power couple.

they didn't. well, they did for a little bit, and then jack marooned her and she became a completely desperate, pathetic character who apparently, was just using jack.

me like. way to not be cliche, Disney.

3) The Mermaids.

i knew i was going to enjoy their scenes, and i did.

i was waiting for them to show up for the first half of the movie. When they did, the film went from sit-there-and-watch to holy-fuck-must-see-more.

basically i was ambivalent towards the film before they appeared, and then i went "this shit is awesome".

oh, and also the fact that them appearing would mean syrena and philip meeting, which i wanted to see, you know, just to appraise how the writers and actors would pull off such a cliche-sounding couple -cough-

 and, the sight of them dragging sailors down into the water was much more effective action than ... a lot of the other stuff.

gotta keep it simple.

4) The soundtrack.

Well, I mean, duh.

The Negatives.

1) the plot.

it was pretty ridiculous. The only thing that got me through it was the thought of seeing blackbeard, philip, more mermaids, and the anticipation of a clever jack sparrow one-liner (which incidentally, never came)

because the protagonist is jack, there are no antagonists- he is always flipping sides and so, we have to cheer for barbossa and blackbeard, and the spanish are barely even seen, so who cares about them?

i'm fine with no antagonists, as long as jack has significant inner struggles, but there are none of those either. the best part of dead man's chest (and partially at world's end) was jack's turmoil- should he abandon his friends and save his own skin or be a good man and give the things he wants most up?

making the main character jack was a mistake. he was always the focus of the movies, but making him the sort of moral center is all wrong and all out of character, and it shows really clearly.

2) Angelica.

The movie has only been out for a day and already TVTropes has her listed as a "canon sue", and i couldn't agree more.

right from when i heard the director (or someone) describe her as jack's foil, his equal, the only one who can scheme as well as he can, blah blah, i thought: MARY SUE.

and she is.

her relationship with jack is even more cliche than the premise of philip and syrena's relationship- old flame, back for revenge, they might have feelings for each other, they verbally spar and flirt, etc. And they have no physical chemistry.

the only thing that saves her from my utter hatred is the last scene, where her supposed scheming unravels and becomes this ridiculous explosion of character revelation. it was a good scene, for her character.

right down to the almost-kiss, swelling romantic music that probably played when elizabeth and will kissed, and the sudden record scratch= so satisfying.

3) Jack.

I feel like a terrible person. i love jack, when he's his drunk, gesturing, effortlessly funny self.

unfortunately, that jack is gone, and he may never come back.

like i said, he needs to be out of the spotlight in order to shine. there were a couple of his scenes that made me chuckle a little- when he was tied to the chair and the stand-off between him, that other pirate, and angelica over the mermaid tear- decent scenes, very jack-like scenes. but there just weren't enough of them.

4) The ending.

um, what happened to philip? did syrena eat him?

on wikipedia (yeah, good source), it says she takes the "dying philip underwater with her". Uh, she's a fucking mermaid, she totally has some healing powers or something. SOMETHING.

that last scene was beautiful- that kiss was beautiful, the lines were beautiful, and the music was beautiful. my god if he doesn't come back in the next movie, i'm going to slap a bitch.

and what, pray tell, could the premise of the next movie be?

jack sparrow and gibbs go on an adventure to open the bottle containing the black pearl while angelica stares menacingly at her jack sparrow voodoo doll! and then barbossa does some pirate-y things. possibly gets an eyepatch and hook hand.


See it if you absolutely need to see Jack Sparrow on screen again, if you want to see two adorable actors being adorable, if you want to hear Hans Zimmer's amazing soundtrack, or if you want to see Penelope Cruz's character have a mental breakdown.

or for the mermaids. Yeah, just for the mermaids.
07 April 2011 @ 10:41 pm
1) i was watching Wizards of Waverly Place (one of the few live-action kid comedies I'll sit down and watch) and FFFFUUUU i want to ship Jalex so badly, but the fanfiction and implications are so terrible. The fact that they're brother and sister makes the ship one hundred times better but it also makes it unshippable. sighhhh

2) they're making a cowboy bebop movie. Apparently, with Keanu Reeves. No comment. actually, I have comments: they should cast someone more badass, and younger. I feel like Spike shouldn't be played by a 46 year old... Maybe someone who's not already a big name in Hollywood. Or Joseph Gordon-Levitt! As for Ed, ELLEN PAGE. Just because I want to see Ellen Page in an adaptation of an anime movie.

3) Hunger Games movie casting=wtfff lol. First of all, the actors for Peeta and Gale have switched hair/skin colors, for some reason. Also, I really like Jennifer Lawrence, but I cannot and I mean I cannot see her and Josh Hutcherson and romance. She seems way more mature than "16" and Josh seems like a huge high school sophomore. As for Gale's actor, I don't even know who he is, so whatever.


Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: You Know You're Right- Nirvana
05 April 2011 @ 08:20 pm
so one of my friends put "Johnny depp is so sexy" as one of her statuses. Given how much my friends know about films and the film industry, I doubted that she had even watched more than a handful of Johnny Depp's movies. I don't even like him that much, and I've watched nine.

So, in a tongue-in-cheek way, I commented "how about marlon brando?"

To my horror, her response was "whos that?"

Maybe Marlon Brando is far from well-known to most teens (he should be), so I said "james dean then"


her response: "?????"

So I said "
douglas fairbanks, clark gable, cary grant, errol flynn, gregory peck."

She didn't know any of them. (Come on! At least Gregory Peck! We've all watched TKAM by now. Or Errol Flynn, they've named a Disney character after him now...) Seriously, the fact that my friends don't know who Errol Flynn is makes me realize that they also don't understand why Flynn Rider from Tangled is called "Flynn". Really guys... What else do you miss?

It's days like these that I feel like I need new friends. Look, when you use the idiom "tongue-in-cheek", and look back, and think "my friends wouldn't know what that means," then it really is time to get new friends. See, this is why I feel the need to hang out on the internet. That way, if I asked my friends who their favorite actors are, the list wouldn't be

"1. Johnny Depp
2. Uhhhh idk "

Man, I feel like such a dork for watching Charlie Chaplin movies now. Just kidding, it makes me feel unique and more cultured than my friends, who no doubt have no idea who Charlie Chaplin is.

Well, good thing I didn't list "Edward Norton" to her. Even if he is a modern actor, I doubt she'd know who he is. And then I'd explode.

P.S. Oh my god, why does everyone like "How I Met Your Mother"? It's not that funny. Neil Patrick Harris's character is pretty funny, but otherwise, it's predictable and not as funny as Seinfeld.

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Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Milk It- Nirvana
26 March 2011 @ 08:41 pm
or at least, the two books and some of Mockingjay and i know what happens at the end already.
I would like this trilogy if it were not for two things.

1) PEETA FUCKING MELLARK. He has got to be my most hated male lead ever. i mean, it's not really his fault that he's blond, girly, useless at combat, and can only cook and paint and make frosted flowers on cake, but come ON. He has got to be the most useless tribute in the history of the hunger games. Seriously, he's even listed as an example under the tvTropes page "the Load". definition? "The Load is a liability to the heroes. They are not always the proximate cause of the heroes' failures, but they're weak, they're often Too Dumb To Live, and for some reason they've just got to hang around with the cool heroes and be a part of the action all the time."
God this is so true.

he's so duplicitous, and not in the scheming, sexy way, just the stupid do-you-think-you're-cool-or-something way. and i hate his name. first, it's "pita". And second, it has the word "pee". Also, i have never felt his actual love for Katniss, just him pretending to love her. I feel like Gale loves her a lot more.

I don't even like Gale that much, but he's manly and actually has a real job, so i prefer him. i would prefer if Katniss ended up with Cinna or even Haymitch though. So that brings me to the second thing:

2) the romance. holy shit and I usually like love triangles, but this love triangle is one of the most horribly contrived, painful love triangles in the history of love triangles.
I felt nothing towards either of these couples, though as I mentioned, I like Gale better than Pee-tah.

But still, none of these romances that were so emphasized upon had any real weight in the character's story, they were just there. I mean, you could have killed off Peeta and had the audience so touched by Rue and Katniss's friendship to decide to save them both. It would have worked just as well. Noooo thought, we had to have stupid Peeta's undying love for Katniss and Katniss's dumbass "i kind of like both except in different ways except equally".
I mean really, REALLY?

for fuck's sake. But anyway, I still have to finish reading Mockingjay, even though I know Katniss ends up with Pee-tah and has babies and shit, and that poor Prim dies. oh well. And i'm going to watch the movie, because of Jennifer Lawrence, who I think can pull of Katniss really well. She has the experience from Winter's Bone of skinning animals and killing stuff, so yeah, looking forward to that.
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
23 March 2011 @ 08:30 pm
the BBC version. LOOOL there are so many things wrong with it, like it's so damn kitschy and campy, and they have this annoying powerpoint sound effect whenever the scene shifts. But as long as I have my Guy of Gisborne I don't really care. I'm probably going to stop after the second season, after Guy kills Marian, though, because their relationship is basically the only thing that interests me.

Man he has some niiiiiice eyebrows. He's so Darcy-like.
19 March 2011 @ 01:07 pm

1) AP US history. Okay, so people say it's a giant workload and I'm not a particularly studious person, but history is so cool, I don't care.

2) Brit Lit. All my friends are taking Amlit Honors, my second choice, which I won't get, but I believe in taking classes because you like the subject matter and not because it's an AP or honors. Though if there were a  Britlit Honors I would take it.

I just wish our curriculum for this class was less Beowulf-y and more quotable romanticism poetry. At least we're doing Hamlet, and Hamlet is full of quotes that I can use to make me look smart.

3) AP Calc AB. Yeah... I'm going to die. Next year I'm taking AP Stats, provided I pass this class. Stupid math.


5) Art 2, lolll yeah, the people who just want art credits and the people who like art are weeded out in between Art 1 and Art 2. I'm going to die here too.

6) Phys Honors. No choice, though. I missed the AP Bio meeting, I can't take AP Environmental Science because it makes you look dumb, and I can't take Physiology because it looks so boring (AND IT'S NOT AP/HONORS -COUGHHYPOCRITE-)

7) Espanol 4 Honors. Yay, me gusta espanol pero en espanol 4, segun mi maestra, debes hablar muuuchhhooo si quiero una buena nota. Well, buena suerte to me then.

Seven periods! I'm excited, even though next year my chances of committing suicide will go up by like 100.
... I'm going to write an essay later. Explaining to certain people how I can dislike IchiOri while liking SasuSaku at the same time. They're different ships, okay?
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: "Heartbreaker" - Led Zeppelin
13 March 2011 @ 12:58 pm
I was reading Bleach so intensely that I just forgot to read Naruto this week.

It made me laugh.
Seriously, is Kishi just bringing in every dead character from the past 500 chapters and making them all fight? It's hilarioussss. It's like "Hey you! Ever wanted to see __________ and ____________ fight? Well, now you can!"

Also lol@ the popularity polls (mostly lol@ Sasuke getting second to Naruto's first). Why does Bleach never have them anymore?

In Black, I'm on the seventh gym. Currently. I'm trying to level my Axew (nicknamed Alcachofa) to 38. My Tynamo (Tilapia) is an Elektross now <3
 Also, Archen (Aguacate) is so beast. 
By the way, not a fan of ferriswheelshipping. I really don't like guys with ponytails, plus, my god does he whine a lot, and not in the cool Zuko!whiney way, in a baby/hippie/annoying way. So yeah, soulsilvershipping/hoennshipping/girlpowershipping ftw. Mars, Saturn, and Cynthia were the only things that I liked about Diamond/Pearl.

N can go die or something.
Current Mood: boredbored
12 March 2011 @ 04:53 pm
There is a huge tendency for people (girls) to create their little OC's, who are meant to be the villain/evil,

while obviously trying to make their little character seem super sexy and delish and bishie while at the same time having their personalities being that of complete sociopaths/sadists.

I mean, obviously, I'm sure there are charming, attractive psychopaths out there, but why is this such a prevalent cliche...
It's super-related to the other thing that bugs me, when people are like

"and my character likes to torture people which is liek super sexai"

"he raepppesss people like a badass"

I saw this comment on a deviation about this character whose favorite color is blood-red and only hobby is torturing people...

Uh, no, torture is not awesome.

deviantART makes me feel that all women on the internet are sexually deprived...
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Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: FFVI
10 March 2011 @ 10:32 pm

wow seriously, this is the first time I've tried to draw ulquiorra.
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Current Mood: boredbored
09 March 2011 @ 02:13 am
Hehe, not exactly the wisest decision to stay up 'til 2 in the morning the night before the math CAHSEE.

Still, it's eighth grade algebra, what's the worse that could happen?

I could fail, that's whatCollapse )
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Current Mood: accomplishedat least.
Current Music: "Pennyroyal Tea" - Nirvana